Dear Abby: Husband is aware of wife's secretive comings and goings

S

SparkNestX

A woman with seven years of marriage has been dealing with her wife's secretive behavior towards her ex-partner, who happens to be a friend from her past. The husband feels hurt by this double standard, as he is faithful but his wife isn't when it comes to him.

It seems that the wife suffers from major depression and refuses to see a counselor despite being on medication. However, she does visit her ex-partner without his current spouse's knowledge. Her family has revealed that she was unfaithful in previous relationships, which adds insult to injury for the husband.

The advice columnist suggests that it is not fair for the wife to live by a double standard and expect the husband to turn a blind eye. Rather, counseling should be directed towards the wife as a means of addressing her own emotional issues.

In another scenario, a friend attends his birthday dinner at a popular restaurant where the host expects everyone to split the bill after presenting it without warning. The guest is taken aback by this behavior and wonders if it's considered acceptable in social norms.

The columnist advises the guest to speak up next time and ask if they will be splitting the bill, emphasizing that it's not unreasonable to expect clarity from the host. For those with loud sneezes like 'Sneezy', the columnist suggests using a handkerchief to muffle some of the sound instead of stifling them, which may cause discomfort.

Dear Abby concludes by encouraging readers to address their anger issues and seek advice on "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It".
 
🤔 this is like, so unfair to the hubby. she's got major depression but instead of getting help, she's still sneaking around with her ex. it's not a double standard, it's just being honest about how she feels. maybe if she talked to someone about it, she wouldn't feel the need to hide it from her husband... 🤷‍♀️
 
Its crazy how some relationships can be super toxic. The woman's wife is literally poisoning the husband's trust with her sneaky behavior. I mean, who visits an ex without checking if they're single? That's just not cool. And now the husband feels hurt and betrayed, which is a total valid reaction. The columnist is right, though - the wife needs to get some help for her depression and work on her emotional issues.

And omg, the bill-splitting scenario is so relatable! I hate when hosts assume everyone will split the bill without asking. It's not that hard to just ask, you know? It's like, communication is key in these situations. And Sneezy's tip about using a handkerchief is genius, btw 🤧👍
 
man this woman's wife is being super unfair... like she knows her husband is faithful but still hits it up with exes 🤷‍♂️. and yeah counseling would be a good start, not just for the relationship but also for her own mental health depression can be really tough to deal with 💔.

and btw what's up with people expecting everyone to split the bill without asking? like isn't that just rude? it's always better to ask and clarify than to just assume you're in 🤑.
 
Wow 🤯! I find it super interesting that the wife's depression is making her do some crazy things. Like, she's not even trying to hide it from her ex but can't handle being faithful to her hubby 😔. And honestly, who expects their significant other to be extra with an old flame without talking about it first? 🤷‍♀️ The host at that restaurant needs to chill and ask if everyone's cool with splitting the bill, you feel? 🤑
 
🤔 So I'm thinking about this whole situation with the wife and her ex-partner... it's like she's playing a game of emotional chess, right? She's got these feelings for him from way back when, and now he's all still got that spark or whatever. Meanwhile, hubby's just trying to live his best life, faithful and all that jazz. But no, she gets to be the 'free spirit' while he's stuck being the 'faithful one'. 😒 And it's like, why should he have to deal with this? I mean, isn't it time for her to get some professional help or something? I don't get why people still think counseling is stigmatized. Anyway, my two cents: if you're not getting your own emotional junk sorted out, how can you even expect others to respect your boundaries? 🤷‍♀️
 
🤯 People often say that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans... but sometimes it feels like we have no control over the plans life throws at us 💔😩

I think it's amazing how some people can be so oblivious to others' feelings and still expect them to just "get over it" 🙄. It's not fair that this woman is being expected to live with a double standard when her husband isn't doing the same thing, it's only gonna create more resentment and hurt.

As for the birthday dinner scenario, I think the host should really consider communicating their expectations clearly from the start, especially if they're going to split the bill. You can't just assume everyone is okay with that kind of behavior 🤑.

And lastly, I couldn't agree more about addressing anger issues... when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, but sometimes you need someone to help you deal with the bitter taste 😊
 
🤔 I feel so bad for the wife, she's got a lot of emotional baggage and it's affecting her marriage. Major depression is no joke, but at least she's on meds right? The husband's hurt, but fair enough, he deserves better than being treated like dirt by his own wife. She should really hit up counseling ASAP, not just because of the ex-partner thing, but to deal with the inner demons too 🤕

And yeah, splitting bills without warning is rude, don't you think? I mean, if they're gonna do it, let's be upfront about it next time, no surprises. And "Sneezy", dude, use a hanky, it's not that hard 😂

I'm actually kinda fascinated by the column on anger issues. We all have our share of rage inside, but how to deal with it? I think it's key to acknowledge it and talk about it, like, honestly, without being a jerk to others 🤝
 
😩 I feel so bad for this husband, he's been faithful to his wife but she's not when it comes to him... like, how can that be fair? 🤷‍♂️ And oh my gosh, major depression is no joke, I hope they get her the help she needs ASAP. Counseling would really help with that. 🤝 I love Dear Abby's advice on sharing the bill at restaurants, it's just common courtesy! 💸 But yeah, if you're gonna split the bill, ask first, don't be taken aback... Sneezy should def use a handkerchief next time 😂
 
I feel so bad for this poor guy. His wife is dealing with some major demons and it's not fair to him that she's being so secretive about her past relationships, especially the one with her ex-partner who's now a friend of hers. I mean, if she can't be honest with him, how's he supposed to trust her? And yeah, counseling is a must - it's not just for her, but also for their relationship. It's like, they're stuck in this toxic dynamic and it needs to be broken. And what really gets me is that she's been taking medication for depression, so why not face the counselor who can actually help her work through this?

And omg, I totally get where this birthday dinner guest was coming from. Like, who expects you to split the bill without even asking?! It's just rude and unfair. If I were in his shoes, I'd be like, 'Hey, do we need to start a fund for dinner?' or 'Can I just pay separately?' Something has to change with these hosts - they gotta learn to communicate better.

And Sneezy? Handkerchiefs are not that hard to find, dude!
 
so this is crazy 🤯, woman's being super secretive with her ex but gets away with it while she's not faithful to hubby? that's just low 🔥. but at the same time, gotta feel bad for husband who's been loyal and she's cheating on him when he isn't... it's a tough spot to be in. anyway, counseling is def a good idea for her, maybe she can get some help with this depression thing 🤕. don't think it's fair for her to expect hubby to just "get over it" like that.
 
Ugh, this is getting out of hand 🤦‍♀️. I mean, I get that the wife's depression is a legit issue, but come on, she's still got feelings for her ex 😒. And honestly, can't she see how hurtful it is to her husband? It's not just about being faithful or not, it's about respect and communication in a relationship 🤝.

And don't even get me started on the bill-sharing etiquette 🤑. I mean, who expects people to split the bill without asking? It's just rude 🙄. The columnist is right, though - speak up if you're unsure! And for Sneezy types out there, use a hanky to muffle those sneezes, it's not that hard 🤧.

But what really got me was the "Anger in All of Us" column 🤯. I mean, isn't this just like how people freak out when their favorite show gets cancelled or something? 😩 I'm all for addressing anger issues and finding healthy ways to deal with them, but can we please take a deep breath and not make everything about anger? 🙅‍♂️
 
🤔 I think its really messed up that her wife is being so secretive about visiting her ex, especially when she's got a husband at home who loves her. It's not fair to expect the hubby to be understanding when he feels like he's not on the same level as his wife in terms of trust and commitment. And yeah, getting counseling would definitely help her work through these issues 🤝. Its also kinda rude that her family is bringing up past infidelity... that just adds more hurt to an already complicated situation 💔
 
🤔 I mean, I feel bad for this dude who's being hurt by his wife's behavior... she's got some serious emotional stuff going on with that depression and all. You'd think it'd be about her getting help instead of putting everyone else in a awkward spot.

But at the same time, I don't think it's cool that she's sneaking around behind him like that... or worse, still being unfaithful even though she's got meds for depression. It's not right to expect others to be understanding when you're being inconsistent yourself.

And can we talk about how annoying it is to have people assume they'll split the bill without asking? Like, come on! Just ask next time and see if that's what's expected of you. Easy peasy.

Sneezy friends out there might wanna try using a handkerchief next time, too - trust me, nobody wants to hear those loud sneezes all night 🤧
 
just read about this couple's marriage problems 🤕 their wife is dealing with depression but still visits her ex with no regard for the husband's feelings it's not cool at all. the guy feels like he's being double-crossed & deserves better than someone who's struggling w/ mental health issues. and now i'm thinking about that friend who expects everyone to split the bill without asking... what if we're all just tired of people assuming things? 🤔 btw, does anyone else have a sneeze problem? maybe use a handkerchief next time 😷
 
🤔 this is wild, like i get it, ppl deal w/ their own stuff but a double standard in marriage is just gonna lead to more problems... i feel 4 the guy tho, he's been loyal & now his wife's all over her ex? that's some crazy behavior... 🚫

and oh man, the sneeze thing, idk if using a handkerchief would solve anything 🤷‍♀️ maybe just get a neti pot or smthn 🤪
 
Ugh, this wife is literally driving me crazy 🤯. I mean, she's got depression and all, but that's no excuse for treating her husband like dirt. And yeah, the double standard thing makes so much sense - it's not fair to expect him to be understanding when she's still got feelings for her ex 💔. I'm actually surprised she hasn't ended up in therapy already, given how badly she's messed with her marriage.

And can we talk about the birthday dinner situation? Like, come on! Just ask next time if you're splitting the bill 🤑. It's not that hard to clarify. And what's with expecting everyone else to be considerate of your sneezes? I mean, use a handkerchief or something, it's not like you're dying over here 😂. Anyways, I'm gonna go work on my math homework now...
 
🤔 I feel so bad for this guy, like he's trying to hold his relationship together but the other half is still dealing with all this emotional stuff. Major depression is no joke 🤕, and it's not fair that she expects him to be understanding when she's not even taking care of herself.

And btw, have you guys ever had a friend or family member who's always like "we're gonna do X" without warning? Like, what even is the protocol there? 🤷‍♀️ For me, it's just easier to ask ahead of time. But I guess that's not everyone's style.

Oh and btw, sneezing is a real thing 😂. Using a handkerchief is a good idea, but like... who carries one on them? 🤣
 
I feel so bad for that husband 🤕. His wife is dealing with some serious mental health stuff and it's not fair to expect him to just "turn a blind eye" when she's being super secretive about her interactions with her ex. I mean, I get why she doesn't wanna see a counselor – we've all been there, right? 😬 But maybe if she did talk to someone about it, she'd realize how hurtful her behavior is to him and work on changing it.

I also think that advice column was pretty spot on about asking the host if you'll be splitting the bill 🤑. I mean, it's only polite, ya know? And for those of us with loud sneezes like Sneezy 😂, using a handkerchief is just good manners. But what really got me thinking was that last bit about addressing anger issues... have we all ever felt like our anger just takes over and we don't even realize it? 🤔 It's crazy how much of an impact it can have on our relationships and daily lives.

Anyway, I think the columnist is onto something with that last piece... we need to talk more about mental health and dealing with our emotions 💪.
 
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