For me, January still feels like an open wound. It's twenty years since my dad passed away, but it's still hard to shake off the pain of losing him in such a young age. Even now, when I see people laughing and smiling on New Year's Day, I feel a pang of sadness thinking about what could have been.
One of my most vivid memories of that last year with my dad is of an older neighbor who walked into our house thinking it was a party. He was mistaken for the namesake of Mahatma Gandhi, but it didn't matter to us - we just wanted some company in our grief. As I look back on it now, it's clear that he was an unexpected gift from my dad.
Fast forward twenty years, and while things have changed much since then, the pain still lingers. My mom can't bear to visit Dad's grave, and when January 30th approaches, she becomes withdrawn and anxious about facing the day without him by her side.
As I've grown older, I find myself grappling with what could have been if my dad had lived longer. Would he have become softer with age, or would he still be gruff and opinionated? My mom jokes that we'll never know because he didn't get to grow old enough to figure it out for himself.
Even now, when I'm surrounded by loved ones - including our grandchildren who share my dad's name - I find myself wishing he was here. Life goes on, but the ache of losing him still feels like an open wound.
One of my most vivid memories of that last year with my dad is of an older neighbor who walked into our house thinking it was a party. He was mistaken for the namesake of Mahatma Gandhi, but it didn't matter to us - we just wanted some company in our grief. As I look back on it now, it's clear that he was an unexpected gift from my dad.
Fast forward twenty years, and while things have changed much since then, the pain still lingers. My mom can't bear to visit Dad's grave, and when January 30th approaches, she becomes withdrawn and anxious about facing the day without him by her side.
As I've grown older, I find myself grappling with what could have been if my dad had lived longer. Would he have become softer with age, or would he still be gruff and opinionated? My mom jokes that we'll never know because he didn't get to grow old enough to figure it out for himself.
Even now, when I'm surrounded by loved ones - including our grandchildren who share my dad's name - I find myself wishing he was here. Life goes on, but the ache of losing him still feels like an open wound.
. It's beautiful that you've got such fond memories of your dad with that older neighbor - who would've thought he'd provide some much-needed comfort? 
Still can't imagine what life would be like if your dad was around to grow old, but I think we all wish our loved ones could've had more time with us 
. And yeah, it's heartbreaking when family members don't get over certain losses - my aunt still struggles with the loss of her sister even after 10 years 
. I mean, I get it, loss is hard, but 20 yrs have passed fam! It's time to focus on the good times & not dwell so much on what coulda been 
. My grandma's still grieving for my pop from like 5 yrs ago & it's like, girl, she needs to move on 
. That being said, it's sweet that you got a funny story about your neighbor thinkin' he was some kinda party guest lol 
. Anywayz, let's all just take a deep breath & toast to new beginnings 2025, baby! 
. Losing someone as important as a parent can be really tough, no matter how much time has passed. It's amazing that your neighbor showed up at such a difficult time - it must have meant the world to you back then 
.
. I can imagine how hard it must be for you to see your mom get anxious around Dad's birthday 
.
still hurting 20 yrs later 
thinkin bout what cud hav been 
gr8 memories w/ dad 
but pain stil lurks 
mom dont wanna visit grave 
wish dad cud be here 
even grandkids share name, feel empty too 
life goes on...
.
. It's like, even 2 decades later, he still feels like a part of u, not just ur past 
, and I can only imagine how hard it must be for you 
, filled with laughter 
but also sadness 
.
! But I can understand why the pain still lingers 
. Grief is a journey, not a destination 
, even when they're painful. Wishing your dad was here still feels like a universal feeling 
, but when I woke up, it was all gone except for this one tiny shell that I had in my hand 
. Anyway, reading about your dad's story made me think about how people really don't get to plan out their lives, you know? Like, what if he did live longer and became softer with age like your mom joked? Would we be having a totally different family dynamic right now? I guess that's the thing about grief, it's always going to feel weird and new even after 20 years... 
It's like we're trying to fill the void in our lives with likes and shares rather than actually dealing with our emotions. 