The author recalls a childhood marked by a sense of disconnection from their parents. They describe a home where adults rarely spoke, and when they did, it was often with little emotional depth. The family's architecture, too, reflects the austere atmosphere: a boxy glass lobby, a semi-open-plan ground floor, and uncarpeted stairs.
The author's vivid memory of one particular moment – their sister's nightmare – highlights the absence of adult interaction in the household. A scream on the other side of the wall prompts them to comfort their sister, but the scene is devoid of warmth or emotional expression from their parents. This lack of connection has a lasting impact on the author, who wonders if others experienced similar isolation.
A striking image of their mother, taken by their father during a family outing, stands in stark contrast to her demeanor at home. In the photo, she radiates confidence and ease, while in real life, she is depicted as cold and distant. The author suggests that this disparity may be due to postnatal depression or an unbridgeable gulf between her and their father.
The author's parents are portrayed as having a complicated relationship, with their mother often expressing disapproval of their interests and hobbies. Her aversion to change, difference, and pain is evident in her behavior, which the author describes as self-pitying.
As the author grew older, they began to appreciate the significance of this upbringing. They recognize that their parents' emotional unavailability was not unique to them but a reflection of their own societal conditioning – an emphasis on propriety, conformity, and avoiding conflict. The author's mother, in particular, was obsessed with maintaining social norms, which made it difficult for her to express genuine emotions or connect with others.
In the end, the author concludes that speaking ill of the dead can be a necessary act of self-preservation, especially when the deceased has never shown love or affection towards us. The injunction not to speak ill of the dead is often associated with respect and reverence, but in this context, it becomes a means of acknowledging the pain and hurt inflicted by those we thought were our loved ones.
The author's vivid memory of one particular moment – their sister's nightmare – highlights the absence of adult interaction in the household. A scream on the other side of the wall prompts them to comfort their sister, but the scene is devoid of warmth or emotional expression from their parents. This lack of connection has a lasting impact on the author, who wonders if others experienced similar isolation.
A striking image of their mother, taken by their father during a family outing, stands in stark contrast to her demeanor at home. In the photo, she radiates confidence and ease, while in real life, she is depicted as cold and distant. The author suggests that this disparity may be due to postnatal depression or an unbridgeable gulf between her and their father.
The author's parents are portrayed as having a complicated relationship, with their mother often expressing disapproval of their interests and hobbies. Her aversion to change, difference, and pain is evident in her behavior, which the author describes as self-pitying.
As the author grew older, they began to appreciate the significance of this upbringing. They recognize that their parents' emotional unavailability was not unique to them but a reflection of their own societal conditioning – an emphasis on propriety, conformity, and avoiding conflict. The author's mother, in particular, was obsessed with maintaining social norms, which made it difficult for her to express genuine emotions or connect with others.
In the end, the author concludes that speaking ill of the dead can be a necessary act of self-preservation, especially when the deceased has never shown love or affection towards us. The injunction not to speak ill of the dead is often associated with respect and reverence, but in this context, it becomes a means of acknowledging the pain and hurt inflicted by those we thought were our loved ones.
I mean, can you even imagine growing up like that? No emotional support from your parents, just a bunch of awkward silences all day long 
. It's crazy how much impact it has on their childhood and adult life, right? The fact that they even still have unanswered questions about their parents' relationship and mental health is wild 
.
. But I guess it's also kind of relatable if you think about how societal pressure can do this to people.
... I mean, who needs warm and loving parents when you can have a semi-open-plan ground floor that screams "I'm still not gonna talk about anything important"? The fact that the author's mom was postnatal depressed is just a nice way of saying she was never fully present for her kids 
. And don't even get me started on the whole societal conditioning thing – sounds like some good old-fashioned "everyone else is messed up, so I'll just be weird" vibes 
.
my grandma used to be super strict too but shes always shown us love & support when we needed it 
i wonder if ppl with mental health issues struggle w/ expressing emotions because of societal pressure 
. I think it's possible her behavior was a result of postnatal depression or some deeper issue 
. But what's even more interesting is how this upbringing can shape who we become as adults 
.
. Growing up, I always felt like I had to navigate these super strict social norms and avoid any hint of conflict or emotional expression – it's crazy to think that all those years were spent pretending to be someone I wasn't 
.
It's wild to think about how complex and multifaceted people are – especially when it comes to their relationships.
, but when it comes to actually showing love and support, she'd shut down. It's like, we're expected to be strong and stoic all the time 
, never knowing what kind of mood they'll be in. It's like, you can't really express yourself or show vulnerability without getting shut down 
. And when we don't get that emotional connection from our parents, it can leave these deep scars 
.
. Like, come on, let's be real, nobody is perfect. I know some of you guys are thinking "oh but my family is so loving and supportive" and trust me, I've seen it all before 
. But now that I'm older, I realize it wasn't just about discipline, but also about avoiding conflict and not rocking the boat 
.
. Maybe your mom was going through postnatal depression or maybe she was just really good at putting on a brave face 
. Whatever it is, let's try to be more understanding and empathetic towards each other instead of judging ourselves for not having the "perfect" childhood 
.
. We've all had those experiences where we felt like we were living with robots at home. Has anyone else out there had a similar experience?